I've been thinking about writing this post for long, thinking that I wanted to let my non-Spanish-speaking friends and acquaintances know how I feel and give them the chance to read my blog. Bullshit. It is just about me, about letting all these feelings go in one of the languages I spend my daily life in, about giving myself the chance of being understood without having to go one by one letting my 'Spanish temperament' out of myself.
How tired can someone be of listening to that expression? If you do something here that includes expressing your feelings, you are using your 'Spanish fury', or 'temperament'. Of course, let's just leave aside those stereotypes regarding unemployment, lazyness, mañana-mañana, siesta and I could just fill out a neverending list. But then, inexplicably, they all want to come to our country, they all want to drink, get drunk, talk out loud (oh, no, the ones that always are making lots of noise are the Spaniards... f*** it!). I am sick of clichés, sick of square-minded brains... The idea is that we are all the time sitting in the sun and dancing flamenco, that we have 30 degrees even in the winter (that is not completely false), thinking about partying (that is also not false) and lazy. Well, let me tell you guys what could be the stereotype of a country where prostitution and drugs are allowed... And I must say that, for the last almost 3 years I have been here, I have not met a professional prostitute (as far as I am concerned or aware...) and well, let's not talk about drugs... If we follow the logic under these assumptions, Dutchieland should be an open minded country, no judging, more than willing to mix cultures, integrative... Ha, ha, ha... And let's just finish the sentence there. Because I am sick of being judged everytime I go to Spain to visit my family and friends, or even to work, while my colleages stay home with their children, go and pick them up at school, or just take free days due to personal reasons (which I think is great); and everytime I mention the word Spain, it looks like I am going to some kind of laziness paradise where my brain is going to be washed out and I am just going to have fun. Well, 50% of that is true. Let me just explain my 'paradise trip' everytime I fly to my homeland:
Wake up early, go to work, pack as minimum things as possible, finish work (sometimes early), run (bike) to the train station, jump on the train, freeze in the train due to an unexplainable mechanism of air conditioning even in the winter, work during 2.5 hours with a laptop; get to Schiphol, wait for 1.5 hours until the gate opens, fly to Madrid, get to Madrid at night (normally Dutch people would already be in bed) and try and enjoy a late dinner with a big smile without dying on the attempt. Then I have my weekend, LIKE EVERYBODY, and on monday, I normally wake up at 5 a.m., jump in the car, go to the airport, sleep in the plane, if possible, jump on a train, work for 2.5 hours (did I mention how horrible internet connection is in the train (yes, at least it is free), considering it is a flat country, and how difficult it is to download any article?), and then get the bike and go to work. Not no mention the numbness state I get into after being completely happy for 60 hours and having it ripped out in a second... And yes, it is my choice, the same as it is my colleagues' choice to have children or a life here. And is it worthy for me? The answer is, more than yes, but... have you considered that maybe, only maybe, it could be a little bit hard not to have the people you love close to you? Btw, I still have 10 days of holidays left from last year...
And, btw, yes, when we hurt ourselves, or we fall, we are used to using bad words in Spain. I've heard that that also happens in some other cultures, but it seems that people in this country doesn't. Well, my apologies. It's a way of expressing your frustration in that moment, but that is it, a feeling. It is not good nor bad, it just is.
I just want to be left alone, not in the literal way of the word, but just let me be, accept me how I am. Is it that much to ask for?
